So. I’ve got this thing here. And. I’m pretty sure my parents are trying to convince me I’m insane. I mean. My mother already thinks I’m in a cult because I draw a Triforce on my hand every so often. But please. Let us not digress to far. I am here to question the value of a human thought.
In general… Consensus determines correctness. Naturally many humans question many different things. A thought with significant proof and less detractions is considered stronger, and in time, correct or proven. So we have these roaming ideas that can be scientifically or logically backed. But we also have slightly more ridiculous notions that has no evidence and seems right no matter what argument is presented before it. Personal philosophy. Its kind of another thing this whole documentation series (its not worth calling it a blog with this activity) is about. I celebrate an independent mindset with unwavering niches of the right and the wrong. Makes things fun. But how can anyone ever determine whose idea, at this point, is right? Is my 10 year old brother’s analysis not just as valid as that of a notorious columnist? Theories are presented, and often largely supported, but still have no direct answers to the fundamentals of our in-existence.
So yeah. Religion. Hot topic, I’m aware. Almost every global religion sports a ‘verified’ of creation, past, present, future, and mostly, reasoning to affirm their held values and truth. But it is completely ridiculous to assume that all of these can be correct, or that one is more correct than the other. I’m sort of undermining my alma mater of Roman Catholic here, but whatever. Later than lately, a praised man resurrected theories of evolution, which is certainly a proven theory,and thus highly diminishes the value of most religions. Naturally, we too evolved from some place. Sure, more closely from human look-alikes. But even before then, from apes, other mammals, and in the early days of ruin, even bacteria. But how. Bacteria must have evolved from somewhere as well. The most popular human theory to make truth of our existence is the Big Bang. You’ve all heard of it. Super-mother-fucking dense mass explodes, unleashing ridiculous amounts of energy across the ever expanding universe. But. This super dense mass. Like. Really? What? WHAT? WHAT IS THIS THING? YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THERE’S A RANDOMLY GENERATED SUPER-DENSE MASS IN THE MIDDLE OF SPACE THAT DECIDED TO ERUPT AND BRING LIFE TO THE WORLD? Yeah. No. Well. Here’s where the mindfuck comes into play…
The ‘laws’ of our world state that energy cannot be created and destroyed. Well. This is impossible. Fuck yes I’m arguing Newton. When you think about origins, you understand that energy has to have come from somewhere. Theres no other explanation. But if searching for the beginning of the beginning, there is no source for energy to come from, technically. So what’s going on here is an impossible creation. We. Are. Impossibilities. Every one of us. We can’t exist. It’s impossible, by the laws of our world. Our world. The rules played by OUR world cannot sophisticate themselves to encompass a theory of creation.
So there is only one option. There is another world. World meaning more like… Universe. With a different set of rules. Somehow a void has been crossed between these two realms, leaking in waves of somehow insanely powerful energy, generating the universe we know.
This is really how I see it right now. It’ll probably blow over soon, but hey. Anyways. Do I now qualify as insane? Simply because my theory differs from that of… Just about everyone else’s? Well. I’m sure some of you can follow my logic here. Some of you believe in science. Which I went over. Some of you believe in God, or a figure of the like. But even he/she/they must have come from somewhere. Some of you just. Don’t believe in anything. Cool. That used to be me.
So. Back to my excuse for a reality, here. Basically. We are a universe that is unfit to exist. We’re simply the toxic waste dump of some world (that I can only hope is) far greater than our own. Our world is full, of disagreements, violence, poor planning/systems, and straight up nothingness. I wouldn’t call life on one planet out of millions very successful. What are we? What’s the reality? Is it a dream? Who knows the truth? Everything. Is. Staged.
There’s honestly way too much to write about when it comes to this world and how I feel about it. But I’ve basically just convinced myself that I’m insane… And I fucking like it. Our world is not fit for reality.
Hiatus, hiatus. This will be. Important. Hopefully. About a few things. It may be choppy. I can’t force myself to do this everyday like everyone else.
Regardless. Rather terrible time I’m having. It’s a good time, but the time? Oh time is… evanescent, so to speak. Imma reroute to the root. Oh how I rend homophones.
So. I’m sitting around sometime in Summer, doing trivial things, as things tend to be in Summer. And I realize. Maybe I want to go somewhere. It’d be nice. “Oh he went to X, he must be rather intelligible!”. Why not? I realized, meh, I don’t try nearly hard enough for that! So I gave birth to this brainchild of mine, with intentions of recording and sharing my ideas upon self improvement, and the occasional rant. Determination was setting in. A little. Academics, they should take some priority. It’s what I’m falsely renowned for, after all. If it was all like sophomore year, I told myself it would be alright. I’d like do better, I only needed to do a little bit better.
Junior year hits the scene, and honestly, I’m currently in awe of how much the school system has failed me entirely. School has always rewarded the the android-resembling ‘model student’ : half machine, half try-hard. The ambition coursing through their circuits synchronizes with their unoriginal mimicry perfectly, a rather beautiful discord. They surely impress much more than myself, but I got by rather respectfully, in years prior. Junior year hits… what the tits. Everything I had observed by abiding to the rules of establishment-ism, which I followed like a bible, is reversed. In the most future-defining year of life and… yeah. That’s all there is to say. The gears aren’t quite turning the way they used to… So. This brings me to some more theory…
Adolescence. Everyone bawls about their lives; society has grown to blame things like hormones and immature minds. But it’s all a hoax. Over the years, since birth, entertainment and fun has held priority. Children were heralded for their ‘natural potential’ but nobody pushed to excel. Then we’re immersed into a world dictated by effort and how much one can resist the temptations of a good time. Suddenly, in search for a balance between fun and work, we’re entangled in a world of drugs and alcohol, intense highs to compensate for some prolonged lows. Occasionally this leads to some rather wasted life. But sometimes, it doesn’t quite go as it is perceived.
Even more theorymon-ing. So. It seems the world has a split into a few categories. Try-hards are generally constituted a category of success, while others achieve a lackluster status, spanning from your average housewife/husband to one of those drug-obsessed teens that end up in the twilight zone (face it, nobody actually knows what happens). But. Could it be that the world is backwards? Hear me out. What does the world need now? What did it need in the past? Were people that could learn well ever prized in the eyes of history and achievement? Or is it not those who invented and discovered that are celebrated today?! Learning has very little to do with the epiphanies that truly advance the world; in fact, I can only imagine it takes some intuition and creativity to stumble upon said eureka moments. But many people that are graced with the acclaimed straight-A potential lack these qualities, these qualities that cannot be learned. Oddly so, most those who are admired in there early years fall obsolete, by this logic. Sure, they may grow to earn six figures in the job of their dreams, but this isn’t really how I measure success…
An innate sense of innovation combined with the means of some mysterious, unnamed force is the only guarantee of legacy. However this force, so elusive, can only be attained by very few. I can’t categorize it at the moment… It may not even exist so mysteriously as I make it out to. To me, it exists as that subtle, reoccurring ’Flow’ (with lack of a better term). Just the overall quality of being completely awesome in every way. Awesomeness can only take you so far, but Flow can take you anywhere.
It’s all so complicated, but so simple.
Fairly lit words fall upon Fear’s morning slumber. But alas, solely an alluring range of existence treads upon this risky battleground, while others flee in Fear’s erroneously intimidating presence! Could not all be so venturous to remain steadfast as Fear barks and growls, so that it whimpers and howls? Or does in only an elitist lie… this audacious charge…
Oh, the disappointment. Growing up. GROWING. UP. Can I believe I’m this old? Can I believe I haven’t changed since I’ve started? Can I believe even now that I’m as old as everyone else, everyone?
All my life I’ve been racing towards that one day, year after year, the anniversary of my birth (rather selfish of us not to celebrate birthdays everyday, as they are bound to exist). But today, I don’t want that anymore. Growing up, of course. Birthdays, false promises of a better life, and the maturity that comes with it. Its all so clever, all a ghostly guise! As age tucks us in at night, it slowly drags a foot out from under the cover! We wiggle around, trying to escape from frigid reality, but cold always finds its way in. Eventually, that blanket just flies away. And before we know it, we are matched with this frozen behemoth, something we have never encountered. We’re not prepared. I’m not prepared. And at this rate, I never will be.
I’m sure everyone is a little afraid of the overwhelming fear, namely for it is so mysterious! Future is always uncertain, but your future, the path you will go down, and its dependence on your achievements during the first 20 years of your life? Why, its indeed a scary thing. You have to consider what you want to be in the future. That’s not hard. The hard thing is making it practical. And what’s harder than that is working towards something practical. Its nigh impossible, actually. We work towards happiness of the future by sacrificing that of the present: ‘youth is wasted on the young’. We are told time and time again that knowledge and practice will best prepare us for the future. Our future. But what does anyone know about our future but ourselves?
Almost every adult I’ve encountered is under the notion that every teenager wants to and should go the college, get a degree embellished with fancy titles, and attain a career that earns enough money to sustain a family life. But how more incorrect could it be? How sad is it to strive for something that really has no accomplishment? Is it right to strive to be an average citizen? But then there are parents who actually push their children, shaping them into 6-figure tryhards of the future. But how much happiness will that income really prove to be, and for all the more sacrifice?
This world is ruled by the notion that money will eventually lead to happiness, but this couldn’t be further form the truth! Money makes the world go ‘round, they say. Time and a rotating world go hand in hand, as far as I’m concerned. Time is certainly the most valuable resource in every scenario. It dictates everything that has been done, is being done, and that will ever be done, and its contributions are very under-appreciated. Your satisfaction of life is dependent on how time is spent. And that’s the problem.
In a utopia, all time is free, you can do anything, all day. However in this capitalistic empire, money is needed to thrive. And the only stable income is through a job. The irony lies in the fact that in order to maintain enough liberties and finance to clear that bucket list, one must sacrifice all the time that is needed to do so! How silly a lie the world has created for us, in this perpetual loop of work v. reward! There is no victory here! The only absolute victory is to find a work you love… but only some are blessed with the adjudicative skill required to find that!
So, in a world of predestined boredom, all we can do is, before we are even of age, make decisions that categorize us into a stereotypical social role. But I don’t want to be ‘that man’. I want to be ‘that kid’. Forever. Its silly that adults think due to our ‘naive’ behavior that they can always be correct about our future. In truth, age is not measured in years, but in wisdom. The ability to analyze every move you make and every challenge you are presented with, all with the acknowledgement of reaching an ultimate goal. Your personal goal. Nothing your teachers, parents, or friends can decide for you.
This is why everyone is still so young! They fail to perceive that not everyone can be melted down and pressed into a mold: not everyone is that malleable. Some are adamant on everything they do, because they know its the right thing. I’ve always been told that parents are smarter, for they’ve experienced so much more than we have. But when its time to break out of the cocoon, theres already been some evolution. Things have changed since the times of prevalent outdoor cheer and family values! Nobody wants to live in the same world they grew up in. We want something different, something less controlled, something less routine, but with a certain measure of practicality! And even then, parents have not experienced everything. Tell me what to do when you’ve reached your depressing days of elder solitude. How I’m sure you’d wish for more memories, not money. They haven’t made it yet. And they you do, maybe they’ll understand.
But hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m not. Perhaps I’m still too young, and if you think so, you should probably never visit this page again. All I know is, that my future goal is to create an island colony without any advanced technology and survive happily and peacefully. How on earth will college help me achieve that? I don’t know. But a backup plan and some funding is always nice. Sigh, growing up… I hope I make Peter Pan proud…
Oh. I had a lot of fun writing this by the way. Good time. And Uhm. Chess is the greatest game ever. I highly endorse it, despite (mis?)conceptions of its nerdy association. Checkmate bitches, falconswift.
It seems I’ve gone quite a while without properly introducing myself. So uh, here goes.
Hi. I’m Owen.
I’m not a search engine. I haven’t gotten straight A’s or anything since about… 3rd grade. But I’m smart. I promise. School just indicates how determined you are to do well in it, nothing more. How well you can agree with your teachers. How well you can finish all your work. Hell, people I help in class get better grades than I do. I value intelligence quite differently, some kind of ‘uncommon’ knowledge.
People can have both, but performing well in school just doesn’t mean anything to me (Queue Digression). It just prepares you. Prepares you for nothing. All of life we’re stuck preparing. We prepare ourselves, make us the best we can be, only so that… we can raise our children? Pretty messed up. It’s just some endless cycle of cultivating our spawns, only so they can repeat what we did and… I can’t put it into words. The action, the stupidity, the meaninglessness of our future, our future’s little impact on the world as a whole and just… wow, structural humanity just infuriates me.
Anyways. I’m smart (lolz). Book smart, eh, kind of. But I love solving problems. Hell. Problems are fun. I like problems. Its weird. It gives you a chance to think about things that really matter. And allows you to get outsmarted, which is angering, but fun. You learn things. Its really the sole reason I am who Iamb today. Games and math are the two most effective yet elementary forms of problem solving. And I cherish my ability in both quite dearly, since the beginning of time. Its sort of why I’m trying to tie video games into things: just justifying a hobby carried by almost every teenage boy in America.
Well, socially, I’m interesting. My communication skills are like double-bogey under par: laughable. When it comes to new people, I fail rather hard. I mean if I’m awkward, its probably because I’m nervous or really don’t want to be talking to you anyways! If I’m nervous its most likely because I don’t know much about the person, or its a completely different type of person and I have no idea how to deal with it. Or I have a quasi-crush on the person ferr lawls, it happens. On the other hand, many types of people irritate me. I try to keep everyone in rather high respects in my mind, but when I encounter someone I don’t like I cant stop that voice in my head saying ‘Please, stop bitching’ or ‘It really isn’t that funny, like at all’. But I contain my displeasure. And I never bitch. Ever. Just to put that out there now. I’m a complete social mess. I talk with my friends, yeah. I try to incorporate that stuff into public whatnots, and it is quite amusing, but you just can’t talk to anyone like you can talk to a bro.
Alright so, final stretch, here we go. What is this? Well, I’m a huge slacker. So much so, that my mom has told me on several occasions that I’m going to Mercer. Anyone who’s ever met me knows thats really inaccurate, despite the fact that all they see is my genius facade. I can’t even begin to fathom her thought process behind that. But anyways. After I do something, I like to stay relatively connected. So I figured that when I first started this, I would have to stay into it. And it worked. I’m not an avid tumblr-er, but my post caliber compared to the average user is uh. Much superior.
This little blog/social networking thing is all about my self-improvement. Yes, the greed is dripping out of your monitor I’m sure. I really need to do this. My hopes is it will get me to understand life better. This helps me with documentation, the actual voicing of my ideas, publicity, and all that stuff. Plus others can learn from it. I mean its not that I hate everybody, I love everything! The purpose was just to my benefit. Plus I’m sure it looks really interesting to colleges and stuff (take that Mercer!).
The topic of this is… Self-Improvement. Exactly that. I do a lot of thinking in my times of solitude, which is fine, solitude isn’t necessarily bad. So I ponder quite a lot about recent experiences, their relations to life, when I could have applied them earlier in life and in the future; a myriad of things, really. And I talk about it. Enough said. The ultimate goal here is to escape this black hole of ‘Apathy’ and attain a certain ‘Flow’, which ushers in an age of unprecedented success for anyone who achieves it. I also talk about my understanding of society, which anyone is welcome to disagree with. I just like to get my observations out there. Legacies.
So uhm. Iamb What Iamb. Not much else to say here. Take this however you will. Just to get an idea of what I’m about. This one’s pretty important if you plan on sticking around. I’m sure this has a lot of digressions, by the way. I sort of just hammered it out in less than a half hour. Just try to distinguish the message. K BAI!
…And after a month I return! These past few weeks have really reminded me how much of a drag school is, but at least it’s keeping me busy. Aside from all that, there’s some things that are troubling me. Though schools has obvious pros and cons, the reason I actually enjoy school is because it gives me the chance to observe other people. Mostly, the extremes of deceitful people who will bargain off all their respect for little pleasures, and others that acquiesce to even a whiff of guilt. The latter I will continue later, but for now, I feel as if something needs to be written, for my sake.
This crossed my mind when I almost magically was graced with control of a box of, well honestly, moderately treasured consumables that offered no value in anyones life, save a few moments of happiness during consumption. Now, there were far too many for me to have alone, and thus I had originally planned on sharing. However, as soon as the aroma of said consumables lingered in the air, they were gone! Rats of humans came, only to snatch a few seconds of joy. Yet little did they know, they bargained all respect I had for them (yes, I am easily grudged by liars and thieves!)! And with but a few exchanges with evil, my charitable intentions were shut down. Suddenly nobody who’s presence I was graced with deserved this elixir! My hope in all of humanity to not be greedy had shattered.
How does this relate to well… anything? Respect, of course! I mean, if you couldn’t tell, I’m bitching right now, and this happened a week ago… Respect is a very valuable thing, especially in competitive lifestyle, not that I know anything about that. Respect helps you gain and retain comrades, occupations, and well. A lot of stuff.
So where’s my stereotypical connection to video-games? The infamous bane of teamwork in any combat game: kill-stealing. This factor is related to the roles and teamwork segment a long time ago, but kill-stealing is generally when someone has worked hard on weakening the enemy, and a teammate pops in and nabs the kill. Now I know it seems very odd, but kills are basically glory in games. Kills decide how good you, as an individual, are. Even if your team failed miserably, generally, if you had a positive KDR, you did well. Some characters are supposed to get kills, some are supposed to help get kills, and when the supposed killer gets the assist, it leads to flaming, severed teamwork, and in the worst, but common, cases rage-quits.
Selfishness is a two-sided thing however. A lot of people overreact to what they perceive as intentional selfishness, when in reality, its for the sake of the team. Then the person who wanted the goal to be achieved by them selves is also selfish. Complicated matters. Its more important to actually achieve the goal, and possibly get credited equally, then to make sure that to appropriate full credit.
On a side note… I get to be Ash Ketch’um for the second day in a row… Its good week.
Well, for starters, excellent song. Either way, lately, I’ve been doing a lot of group things. I was never much of a team player, but I’m working to change that. So ever so lately, I’ve tangled myself in a few more integrated group activities, and reassessed a few of my old ones. The truth is that, more often than not, groups are the most effective way, if not the only possible way, to achieve a certain goal. But way too many people go about doing this in a completely wrong way. Everybody is geared towards certain ideas, and these should be considered when assigning roles for group members. But to start it off you need to take into consideration what type of activity you are involved in.
Almost everything you do can be categorized as either solo or competitive. Solo not necessarily meaning by yourself, but based on non-variable or predetermined factors. And competitive meaning you have another person or group negatively affecting your performance. Either way, roles are to be carefully considered. In the former, roles are easy prospects. Although some may be better at completion or excellence than others, this is already commonly known by the participants, and is of little relevance due to the fact that eventually, no matter the role assignments, the goal will be completed (most solo tasks are rehearsed and such). However competitive tasks are a whole different world. In competitive tasks, there are varied factors that affect how and if you will reach your goal. There are also two types of competitive tasks, those that are much like solo tasks, being that only your performances are compared, and those that your performances clash. Performance clashing tasks are the trickiest, most rewarding, and most exhilarating, so that’s the focus. It’s really always the focus with this, though it’s never been clarified. It’s what I spend most of my time thinking about. Anyways. Roles in clashing tasks… Well, you’ve got walls, support, sweeper, counter, and a whole bunch of gaming terms you don’t know. Consider life like a complex game of basketball, if you will, however, complex in the sense that… everyone has superpowers…
Yeah, that’ll work. So for example, your team consists of 5 all-powerful beings… 1: Someone who can indirectly slow down the speed of the basketball, within a certain area around them. 2: See #1, except speed up instead of slow down. 3: Someone who has rocket arms, so to speak. Can launch hands like rockets, with a fair delay, to deflect, or grab low-speed, balls. No other motions can be done with hands during this time, and hands will return directly back after a short period of time. Shaky accuracy 4: Someone with incredible reflexes, somewhat to a foresighted degree. 5: Someone with the ability to create an area-of-effect explosion, capable pushing opponent players. Now you have to choose 2 offenders, 1 midfielder, and 2 defenders (I realize basketball isn’t played as such, but for the sake of the scenario…). Hopefully I made this obvious enough. The correct line-up, with little argument possible, I assume, is Offenders: #2, #5; Midfielder: #4, Defenders: #1, #3. I’m not explaining this unless asked.
Now with explicit and singular abilities granted to you, its a lot easier, but many time you will have to determine the potential of the role takers yourself. Everyone has super powers, just maybe not so super. Everyone has different strengths, which can work in tandem with other strengths of their own and, more dreadfully, strengths of their partners. This creates a core, or a small group, within a group, built to excel at a task far greater than any single unit might be able to. The basketball teams had a few potential cores, and so do lots of other things. its up to you to determine this by figuring out their abilities.
Another important thing with teams is synergy. Synergy can be used to refer cores, or the refer to how the team is civilly based. If everyone on your team hates each other and has no communication, then the team is bound to fail. However if everyone cares for the good of the team, and just their own safety, and everyone communicates, the pathway to competitive task success is much smoother. Team rules are also applied here, common etiquette really. Things such are taking credit/reward when really your partners due, or leaving your partner in a inescapable scenario when you two could have survived it together is unacceptable. However, if both are bound to be defeated, better one than both. It is important to know outcomes of situations before actually initiating them.
I think I said most of what I wanted to, surprisingly. And remember, those who slay together, stay together. Wow. That was a lot. Pokemon helps prophets and team-building so much?
Due to popular demand (never thought I’d say that), I have decided to make a tumblr. I really have no idea how it works. At all. So it’ll take a while to get that running. But. Once it does it will but very similar to that of my blogspot (mysteryofapathy.blogspot.com), probably a copy-paste of the text, and I’ll add more of what tumblr offers exclusively. Expansion is always a good thing though. I could explain this as a tangent but time is running short, you’ve got to know your limits… Which is exactly what this mini-segment will be about! I’m so clever…
Generally expansion is a good thing, making you a more well-rounded person. If you aren’t very developed in certain aspects, and you have time, its advisable to pursue goals to equalize your attributes. Expansion is pursued constantly: expansion or interests, activities, human interests, etc. the list goes on. However good things often lead to zealotry, egotism, and even corruption: overextension, as a gamer may understand. Power inevitably leads to overextension, and in turn, one of the aforementioned three. To prevent this… Well, there is little way. But there are ways to fool yourself into thinking your not ‘powerful’ to begin with. If your anything like me, you joke around a say a lot of shit, to subconsciously make yourself feel superior, even though your reasoning is that it’s funny and true. However, if you have no targets to flame, then this won’t work. Basically, surrounding yourself with superior peers will diminish egotism, and maybe even make you strive to expand even more. It’s a fairly delicate circle you see, as the more you develop, the more equally developed crowd you must find. However, social side-effects aren’t the only downside. Over-development causes anxiety and the like, due to the sheer amount of stress it might give you. I’ve never ran into stress problems (I don’t run into any problems, really) but there are a lot of people out there you get migraines and take meds simply because they think their life is too hectic, when whether it really is or not is open to debate. Consider that a disclaimer, if my advice somehow make you one of those people. Anyways, remember, flow isn’t necessarily about being the best at one thing, its about being better than most at many things, although the former isn’t anything to look down on.
Regardless, you can check up on here often, there will most like be more than on my blogspot as this seems to be the option with optimal social opportunity. Its got that follow feature, simple picture posts, and a better format overall (supposing I can learn it well, it looks simple). USe information on expansion however you will on you quest towards flow. While writing this, I realize my expansion has both flat-lined and exponentially grown. Oh how it is, the Mystery of Apathy.